As children, we learn to obey and behave simply because we are told to do so. This can leave us feeling as if we have no choice. As adults, we have more power in the direction our lives move. While some situations and circumstances beyond our control can have an impact on us, we do have control over how we react. Although choices could be severely limited due to the consequences of our past actions, we still have choice. Unfortunately, it can be easy to fall into the role of victim. A role in which we look outside at the cause of problems. How does this happen? Why do we walk away from a path of empowerment and authenticity and toward blame and victimhood?
Poor Self-Image and the Will of Others
There are many of us that seek professional help as the options in our lives seem to have become so limited that we can no longer see our own brightness, our own power, and our own freedom. Furthermore, our lack of self-worth can lead us to give of ourselves to those we think are important only to realize that we have been taken advantage of. Because we view ourselves as inferior, incomplete or desperate, we compromise ourselves to the whim and will of others, especially falling victim to seductive tones. However, to discover our own intrinsic powers requires a journey. Often that journey leads us to those that can act as our guides and mirrors. How can we discriminate those that would intend us harm from those that intend to help us discover our own true power?
Kings, Queens, and Tyrants
We often hold the archetype of kings and queens as an otherworldly reality. However, we overlook the power that these archetypes can have in our lives. What makes a good king or queen? Many people correlate a kingly position of power with a heavy dose of narcissism. This has mainly to do with the history of tyrants that have ruled out of fear. You can easily identify a tyrant through their use of fear-mongering and demonizing. A tyrant will ALWAYS have someone or something to blame, to fight, to kill or to destroy. Furthermore, a tyrant will always demand loyalty and threaten a penalty if it isn’t given to them. It is the only thing that gives them some comfort in their own paranoid head. A tyrant never understands the value or the cost of true loyalty. They expect it like a baby expects to be fed.
Empowerment and the Responsibility of Rule
If we look truthfully at the role of power and if we want to be good, then we must identify and take on the responsibility of rule. A just and true queen or king has the priority of the people over themselves. They are dedicated to a transcendental commitment, born of empathy and understanding. A commitment and dedication to a cause that is greater than themselves. A devotion to goodness and to the wellbeing of others. To seek personal power is to also recognize it in others and the main rule of the king or queen is to bless the people. A true queen will motivate the people to shine bright – not for the sole pleasure of the ruler but for all within the kingdom.
Taking Our Inventory
What positions of power in your life have been sapping your energy? Or what negative thought cycles have you continued to feed that allow you to settle for your current predicament or worse? What fears bolt you to the ground, make you heavy and allow the rot of self-doubt to drain your personal freedom? Conversely, what personal power and strength do you know? What makes you hope, even if just a little? Is there excitement can you muster to engage in your own responsibility? To make your life manifest instead of allowing life to manifest situations for you? What empowerment do you need to conquer your own doubts and begin to make undeniable change in your life, change that matters to you? This blog is to get you to start increasing awareness of your own capabilities, to start embracing empowerment, and to identify what really is holding you back in the role of victim. This is your life and ultimately only you can change it.
Ask yourself, “What is my Why?” Inspiration comes in many forms. Getting inspired by something or someone gets our hearts and minds focused on a single subject. This is great practice for folks with scattered thoughts and lingering ADD. Early in recovery, it is hard to get excited about anything. Our brain receptors are a little fried from overuse. Furthermore, they’re locked into the same old habits, the same old grind, running the same old tricks. It’s easy, then, to feel lost, without direction or even an idea of who we really are. But as the clouds begin to dissipate and we get glimpses of who we were before all the headaches, inspiration becomes a welcomed old friend.
Now, waiting around to be inspired is a little presumptuous. You can insert any worn cliché or dead horse quote here you’d like, from Edison’s inspiration and perspiration to God helping those who help themselves. But there’s truth in those old chestnuts. I find when you take a step back and ask yourself, “Why?” the discovery begins. We begin to challenge ourselves and start to peel back the layers to get to the heart of things. Besides, inspiration can be cultivated and accentuated. Putting ourselves in new creative environments and surrounding ourselves with inspiring people helps propagate inspiration in our own lives.
Get Excited About Life
Recovery can sometimes feel like a fall into boredom and dullsville. But it doesn’t have to be. Finding ways to get excited about life begins as a practice and a routine. And it doesn’t have to be extravagant or an attempt to re-invent the wheel. But take it seriously, because you arere-inventing your life. Start exploring different cultures or music you’ve never listened to. Or you could learn a language or take a dance class. Engaging in these new pursuits and flights of inspiration help fill the void left in early recovery. Often times it is not just the compulsions that disappear, but an entire lifestyle and identity. Rebuilding this bedrock and filling this vacancy will require inspiration (and some footwork).
Engage, Create, and Share
Sharing what gets us personally excited is one way to help others find their spark for life. It’s one of the things we mean when we talk about community-based mental healthcare. Trying new things and experiences is another. This week let’s have discussions about what makes life so rich and inviting. What makes us want to engage and create? Let’s rediscover that zest for life that compulsive behavior extinguished. Let’s learn to love life again! Barn Life Recovery is the first treatment center in the state of California licensed to treat mental illness on an outpatient community-based level. If you’re feeling anxious, depressed, or just plain overwhelmed, please give us a call today.
Ask a person “What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word, ‘Zen?'” Most people will respond with ideas about an imperturbable state of calm. However, if you ask them about the second thing, they may reply,” Isn’t it the sound of one hand clapping or something?” This person is remembering part of a Zen koan. Furthermore, they’re actually probably a little closer to the heart of Zen with this answer. This week at Barn Life Recovery, we are working with koans. These tools can grant us a greater understanding of ourselves and the world around us. But what exactly are koans? And how can they help us?
Empty Your Cup
A famous master, Lao-tzu, once said, “Understanding only goes as far as that which it can understand.” Put another way “Ya don’t know what ya don’t know.” As soon as we think we know something, then we become rigid and unresponsive. You know the famous phrase: “For the beginner, there are many possibilities, but for the expert, there are few.” Maintaining a mind of “not knowing” allows us to respond to situations with openness, freshness, and joy. This is where koans come in. Koans – sometimes called spiritual puzzles – pose questions or situations we can’t answer or understand using logic, and thus force us to go beyond the mind. Koans can be stories, poems or phrases. They convey a direct feeling rather than an intellectual idea.
Working With Koans
In practice, a student is assigned a koan by a teacher or master. The teacher will ask, “What is the color of wind?” or “What is your original face before you were born?” The student is then expected to “live with” and meditate upon the question for some time before returning with the “answer.” If these questions sound like nonsense to you, you’re partially right. Remember, koans work to push us beyond logic toward a realm of feeling and intuition. William Blake was working with koans when he wrote about the Sick Rose, as was Denis Johnson in his stories about fringe characters in the Midwest. This week, we are assigning koans to our clients and seeing what they come up with. The beauty of this technique is that the interpretations are endless and we are ready to uncover truth around every corner.
Barn Life Recovery is the first treatment center in the state of California licensed to treat mental illness on an outpatient community-based level. If you are feeling depressed, anxious, or just plain overwhelmed, please consider giving us a call. Our admissions specialists are standing by to offer a free consultation. Learn to love life again.
Hopefully after reading last week’s blog about hard work and making your way in the world, all of you were inspired to arise, take up thy beds, and walk. I figure this is the perfect time to talk about a phenomenon the Japanese call 三日坊主, or mikka bouzu. Mikka bouzu translates to “three-day monk” and it’s something we have all been guilty of at some point in our lives. For example, if you go to just about any gym in the country on January 2nd, you’ll find that it’s filled with three-day monks. Twelve-step meetings are also often full of three-day monks, as are recovery centers. Sometimes, three-day monks haven’t even reached puberty yet. Ballet and karate schools make serious bank off the parents of these young ascetics. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
What Is a Three-Day Monk?
A three-day monk is someone who becomes intensely interested in something and goes hard in the paint for a few days (or weeks), but soon leaves it by the wayside and forgets all about it. Sound familiar? Don’t worry…we’ve all done it and that includes yours truly (ask me about my career as a cellist sometime.) We find a new toy, fall in love with it, wear it out, and watch it collect dust on our shelves or in the corner of the garage until our significant other finally tells us to throw it away. However, today is a new day and we don’t have to live that way anymore. I have a few concrete and manageable tips to keep your saffron robes looking fresh long after their 72-hour expiration date.
Set Some Manageable Goals
You want to learn Chinese. That’s awesome. It’s also a huge undertaking that you’re likely to get frustrated with quickly. That makes it very easy to give up. Instead of doing that, though, how about breaking the Herculean task of learning a new and difficult language into achievable sections. Download a language app and commit to completing one lesson a day. Sound too small? Don’t worry about that right now. Besides, you’ll learn a whole lot more Chinese if you get through a year of doing one lesson a day than if you do a hundred lessons in three days and give up.
Make It a Habit, Then Step It Up
You’ve completed that first lesson and I’m proud of you. But we’re going to sustain it this time. Try to set aside five minutes at the same time every day so you’re less likely to forget. It makes it even easier when you tie it in with an existing part of your routine, like right after brushing your teeth or eating dinner. What you’re trying to do is make it a habit. After you’ve gotten a week or two under your belt without missing days, start pushing yourself a little bit. You were doing one lesson a day – now make it two. Repeat the process.
Write. It. Out.
I can’t overstate the value of this one. We all have busy schedules and we all have things in life we’d like to accomplish. To help stay organized and on top of things, write your tasks down on paper and check them off as you go. Everything looks manageable when it’s on a page and there’s a small but very powerful feeling of accomplishment to be had every time you cross an item off. It’s also a great way to track your progress. This is why I recommend a small notebook instead of the Notes app on your phone.
Show Up and Remember to Have Fun
The two simplest rules are, of course, the most important. Whether it’s five minutes a day to learn a language, an hour a day at the piano, three hours a week at the gym…those sweet plans you worked out for yourself aren’t going to matter if you don’t show up and put in the effort. And a way to keep yourself showing up is to remember that you’re doing this because you want to. If your Chinese lessons are getting a little dry and boring, switch it up and watch an old Shaw Brothers movie (36th Chamber of Shaolin and Five Deadly Venoms are two excellent choices.) Turn the subtitles off and see how many words you can pick out. Remind yourself that this is fun!
Barn Life Recovery is the first treatment center in the state of California licensed to treat mental illness on an outpatient community-based level. And we don’t merely treat mental health issues – we remind our clients that life is fun and show them how to find that spark of joy again. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, or just life in general, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Give us a call today and love life again!
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